Thankfully, society is moving further and further away from binary ways of thinking, especially regarding gender and sexuality. We no longer have to feel pressured into making big, public declarations about who we’re attracted to (or stay in the closet about it) if we don’t want to.
It’s perfectly okay to be open-minded about who you want in your bed, and it’s also totally fine for those people to exist all across the gender spectrum! Enter bisexuality — a sexual orientation that is often misunderstood and unfairly stigmatized.
Let’s dive deep into the dirty details, clear up some misconceptions, and talk about how you can live your life as an out-of-the-closet bisexual man with a super hot sex life.
What Is Bisexuality?
When you think of someone who identifies as bisexual, what comes to your mind first? It’s a tricky question, right?
There are a lot of stereotypes about gay people and straight people, but bisexuality is a lot more vague. This is especially true for bisexual men, who don’t fit cleanly into either category.
The term bisexual has evolved a lot since its introduction way back in the 1800s. Initially, it was used to refer to someone with masculine and female physical characteristics (closer to what we now call intersex or nonbinary).
In the early 1900s, the term morphed again to refer to people who were more androgynous before finally settling on the definition we still use today — someone who is romantically or sexually attracted to both men and women.
We’ve used the term bisexuality for a long time now. Over the last several years, the term has fallen out of favor because of what we now know about the gender spectrum.
Some people think bisexuality erases trans men and women and people who identify as non-binary, so they prefer to use other labels like pansexual or polysexual.
Truly, there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to describe your sexuality. If you feel most comfortable calling yourself bisexual, own it! You’re allowed to be attracted to who you’re attracted to, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation at the end of the day.
Many people who have identified as bisexual since before the addition of newer, more inclusive labels continue to identify this way, despite dating and loving trans people.
Issues Facing Bisexual Men
Bisexuality comes with a unique set of challenges, regardless of your gender. Bisexual men (or those who identify as male) have their own issues that they deal with.
Bisexual men tend to have difficulty finding people willing to accept their sexuality without judgment. Gay men can write bisexual men off as not being “gay enough” or not being honest with their sexuality, and there’s always an unfair fear that they’re going to “go back” to women.
Straight women worry the opposite — that bisexual men are just gay and afraid to come out of the closet fully. Obviously, neither of these stigmas is accurate or fair — but they still exist and impact how much of society views bisexual men.
There’s also an unfair stereotype that bisexual men are all naturally unfaithful and prone to cheating. But just because someone is attracted to more than one gender doesn’t mean they’re going to act on those impulses — sexuality doesn’t impact morals. It’s just one more way that bisexuals get slut shamed, and frankly, we need to rewrite that script.
What To Do If You Think You Might Be Bisexual
If you’re only recently opening up about your sexuality, it can be intimidating as hell! Admitting such a big thing can be difficult, even if you’re just opening up to yourself, and we’re proud of you for taking that step. But where do you go from here?
A great place to start is with porn. You don’t have to jump right into having sex with another person to figure it out (and, in fact, some people don’t even physically explore because they’re already in committed relationships when they figure it out).
Porn can help you confirm whether certain sex acts turn you on. It’s a far safer way to explore your sexuality, and no one else even needs to know until you’re ready.
If you already have a partner and you’re open to discussing your sexuality with them, you can even watch porn together! Depending on your relationship, you may even be able to have a threesome with them — just make sure you’re discussing it thoroughly before it happens and have clear boundaries for how you both want it to go down.
If you’re single — the ball is entirely in your court! Dating and hook-up apps are a great resource, especially if you’re new to the scene. You can even download them just to look. Think of it like window shopping; you don’t have to buy anything, but it can give you a better idea of what you’re looking for when the time comes.
Tips for Bisexual Men Who Sleep With Other Men
If you’re a bisexual man who sleeps with other men — especially if it’s your first time — we have some tips to make every time the hottest, most pleasurable experience possible. It can be intimidating to have sex with someone else with a male body because people assume it’s all just anal sex all the time!
Sure, anal sex is fun and can be a super exciting part of your sex life — but it’s not a given! Sex should be whatever you want it to be and should never cross your boundaries, so don’t buy the hype that you “have to” do anal to be a “real” bisexual man (and don’t have sex with people who tell you that — huge red flag!).
Lube Makes All the Difference
Regardless of what’s on the menu, you don’t want to play without lube. Lube is crucial for all types of sex with all types of bodies, but it’s non-negotiable for men who have sex with other men (especially if there’s any butt stuff involved).
The type of lube that you choose is also essential. While you may not be worried about an accidental pregnancy, choosing the “wrong” kind of lube can increase the likelihood that your condom may break — leading to a higher risk of catching an STI (sexually transmitted infection).
To keep yourself (and your partner) safe, choose a water-based or silicone-based lube if you’re using latex condoms. If you’re using silicone sex toys, you’ll want to avoid silicone-based lubes. While they’re extra slippery and fun, they can also make your silicone sex toys break down more quickly.
If you’re new to the lube game, you may want to stick with water-based lubes. Water-based lubes are the most user-friendly and play well with condoms and sex toys. The only downside is that they don’t last quite as long as other types of lube, so you’ll likely have to reapply it at least once during your romp. Water-based lubes also wash off easily, so they may not be your best option for fun in the shower or tub.
Ease Into Anal Play
Even if you’re all in and raring to go, you’ll want to ease into butt stuff instead of just going for it (regardless of whether you’ll be the giver or the receiver). The anus can take a pounding, but you must do the prep work to make that happen.
The key is knowing the anatomy of the booty hole and how to make it work for you. Think of the anus as a super secret nightclub — you have to have the right passwords to get in. Two sphincters (basically muscular rings) protect the body; you have to get past them separately to have pleasurable, successful anal play.
The first bodyguard you’ll come into contact with is the external sphincter. You can consciously control the external sphincter, which means if you’re relaxed, this part of your butt will also be relaxed. This is where foreplay comes into play — lubing up and gently massaging around and slightly inside your butt can help you and your anus relax.
The second bodyguard can be trickier. Once you get passed the external sphincter, your second challenge is the internal sphincter. This part of your body isn’t one you voluntarily control, no matter how relaxed you and your butt feel.
Going slow and using lots of lube is crucial to coaxing it up, but once you do, you’re fully ready to go!
Don’t Forget the Prostate!
If you’re at least open to anal play, you don’t want to leave the prostate out of the scenario. Men are born with this wonderful little walnut-sized gland between their bladder and rectum, situated at the base of the penis. While you can definitely stimulate it from the outside with a little pressure on the perineum, more direct stimulation also means more intense pleasure (and perhaps the elusive prostate orgasm!).
While you can definitely explore prostate stimulation with your fingers (and we recommend it when first getting started so you know exactly where your target is), it’s even more fun with a prostate massager. Prostate massagers are shaped in a way that directly stimulates the prostate when inserted anally, and many even vibrate for an even more intense sensation.
Prostate orgasms are described as intense, full-body experiences that are different from your traditional ejaculatory orgasms — why wouldn’t you want to at least give it a shot?
Tips for Bisexual Men Who Sleep With Women
On the flip side, many bisexual men have sex with women (or people with female bodies). In many ways, having sex with someone with the same body as you can be easier because you at least have some idea of what feels good and where to touch them to get them off.
Having sex with a woman can be intimidating in a different way, but we’ve got your back. Some women even say they prefer sex with bisexual men because they’re better lovers!
Here are a few tips to make any encounter mutually pleasurable and orgasmic, even if you don’t have much experience.
When In Doubt, Ask!
It may sound awkward, but if you’re not sure what your partner likes or what feels good to them, ask! Not only does this set up a super open sense of communication, which is great for both of you, but it also tells your partner that her needs are important and you’re dedicated to getting her off.
Focus on the Clit
When it comes to getting women off, it’s probably not going to happen without the clitoris. The clit has a dense concentration of nerve endings and is the key to having an orgasm for most women, but its location can also be a mystery for a lot of men.
The clit is located just above the opening to the vaginal, hidden inside a little “hood.” They come in all different shapes and sizes, and everyone likes slightly different levels of stimulation, so again — communication.
If you want to up your game and guarantee clitoral stimulation, don’t be afraid to break out a vibrator. For some reason, people tend to think that sex toys mean they’re not doing a good job.
We believe the exact opposite — consensually using sex toys with your partner means you’re open and committed to doing what your partner needs to ensure they’re having a good time.
Try Different Positions
Because vaginal penetration doesn’t always lead to orgasms for women, it’s a good idea to mix it up and try different positions until you find the one that feels the best. Positions that allow for more direct clitoral stimulation are usually best.
Try cowgirl (with the woman on top) or doggy-style (which allows you to reach around and stimulate her clitoris with your hand or a vibrator).
Don’t Forget the Foreplay
The mind is just as big of a sexual organ as the penis or clitoris, so you’re doing yourself a massive disservice if you don’t get it on board. Foreplay is the easiest way to do this, but also one of the parts of sex that gets skipped over the most!
Making time for foreplay before penetration gets both of your heads in the game and increases arousal tenfold. Plus, you’ll get to explore each other's bodies before you have “sex,” so you’ll have a better idea of what they like so you can keep that up.
Tips for a Successful Threesome
If you’re looking to explore a threesome, we’re excited for you! Threesomes can be super hot and satisfying — as long as you know how to have them without making them awkward or causing issues after the fact.
Communication Is Key
Communication is an essential component in any healthy sex life, but it’s extra important if you’re planning a threesome (and especially if you already have a partner you’ll be experiencing this with).
Why is it so important? Think of the potential for miscommunication in the bedroom between two people — and then add one more person!
You want to make sure everyone is on the same page, that everyone’s needs get met, and that everyone’s boundaries are clear and respected. Talking about everything ahead of time is the only way to make this happen.
Get on the Same Page About Condoms and Birth Control
Unless you’re having a threesome with two other men (or people without the ability to get pregnant), you’ll also need to make sure you’re all on the same page about the potential for pregnancy.
But it’s not just pregnancy you need to worry about. Using condoms with any new partner is always a good idea, as is getting STI tested before your sexual encounter. When you’re adding another person into your sex life (even if it's just going to happen once), you’re increasing the potential risk even more. Be open and honest with them about your status and expectations, and don’t back down.
Lube, Lube, Lube
We’ve already talked about the joy of lube, but it’s even more essential if you’re having a threesome. Using lube keeps everything slippery and fun, so you can get off exactly how you want without worrying about discomfort.
Pro tip: keep your lube at body temperature so there’s no shock or shrinkage when you’re putting it on. Just put the whole bottle in a cup of warm water for a few minutes before playtime and go to town. You can also put a few drops of lube on the tip of your penis before putting the condom on to increase your pleasure even more!
In Summary
Bisexual men want the same things in their sex life that everyone else wants — a fun, pleasurable experience that both people enjoy. Whether you’re having sex with a man, a woman, or anyone in between, knowing how to make your sex life the best possible is a right everyone deserves.
Stick with Simpli Pleasures for the hottest, sexiest, wettest tips yet, regardless of your body or who you want to get off with.
Sources:
A short history of the word ‘bisexuality’ | Stonewall
Top tips for more pleasurable bottoming | San Francisco AIDS Foundation